Here it is in a nutshell: You first come to the Kabbalah Centre and, if you’re like most people, you fall head over heals in love with the wisdom. Wow, you say. This makes so much sense. It’s like I knew all of these truths my entire life but I could not crystallize these thoughts into practical wisdom until now. Kabbalah is telling me everything I sort of already knew subconsciously, deep in my soul.

And the energy during your initial encounter with the Kabbalah Centre is amazing. Incredible. You soak up the knowledge. Can’t get enough of the classes. You have seven million questions swirling in your mind that you want to ask your teacher. Somehow, your teacher has an answer for every single question you throw at him or her, and all the answers resonate with truth. Deep inside of you.

Then comes the problem. A big problem.

What’s the problem? The Kabbalah Centre and it’s tools are all about generating Light. So the problem is, as soon as we generate some serious rays of Light in our life — something a lot stronger and brighter than the fairy dust bits of Light that originally made us giddy and left us spellbound — all of a sudden there are problems. Real problems. There is chaos. And lots of brand new challenges. And doubts. And disappointment. For some, there are money problems. Or health problems. Or friendship or marital problems. And certainty problems. There are time problems when it comes to taking more classes or volunteering. Commitment problems. Kabbalah Centre problems. On and on and on.

Why? What the hell happened to that mind bending learning and pleasure we felt at the very beginning?

What happened is the power of the Light.

You see, we are all in this physical dimension to clean up the mess we’ve made. Not just the mess from this life, but also past lives. However, keep in mind, lots of us like to blame “past life” actions for the problems that plague us today. Truth is, the Rav told me, in most cases, like probably 90%, we have done enough rotten things in THIS life to warrant all the chaos now in our face. Sometimes it’s a bit too easy to blame previous incarnation for our issues. We often do this because we are really just denying our present day rotten character traits by laying blame on some esoteric, abstract concept like past lives.

In any event, be it this life or past, when we generate some significant rays of Light in our life, using the tools of Kabbalah, suddenly our garbage begins to shine. Right in our face. Under a harsh light.


That’s the nature of light. It makes all things that were previously hidden suddenly shine brightly. Ouch!

Have you ever sat in a room where the air looked clean and clear? And then sunlight shines through the slits in the blinds and suddenly you see about a trillion dust particles dancing in the sunbeams?

That’s what happens in Kabbalah. Those sunbeams of spiritual Light illuminate all the dust particles (egocentric traits and karmic debts) in our life. That is why the problems are suddenly in our face. It’s up to us to deal with them. To clean it up. To tidy up our mess and clean up our room. The ego (the force called Satan) will now awaken doubt, uncertainty, anger, frustration, everything he possibly can to prevent you from cleaning up the space that is your life.

If you quit, the Light withdraws, and the illusion of a clean, clear existence pops back up into existence. Now you are free to go on feeding your ego and living a life of illusion until eventually the chaos takes you down for the count ten years, fifteen years or fifty years later.

However, if you resist the ego’s temptation to quit and be a victim of circumstance, and you become accountable by using the 72 Names, the Torah, the Zohar, the holidays and every other tool to clean yourself up, soon those dust particles in the rays of Light disappear. You will have shown great courage by cleaning everything up and by riding out the storm and working on your self.

Guess what?

Now that VERY SAME LIGHT begins to warm you, nourish you, bathe you in a warm, loving glow that ignites deep contentment and fulfillment inside of you. And around you. And in your family. And your business. With your friends. And all over your existence.

You now know the real problem of the Kabbalah Centre and its teachings of Zohar. It forces you to confront and deal with your problems in order to get you to a solution, sooner than later. Sooner is better because then the Light that radiates from the 99% reality is free to bring you joy and happiness instead of a harsh and penetrating view of the dust particles caused by your ego.


I remember during my first 4-5 years in the Centre; it was one miracle after another. I was on the phone with the Rav countless times, both day and night, having the most insane and amazing discussions. I was visiting the Rav and Karen in New York all the time. On Shabbat during those New York visits, when all the people were eating chicken, the Rav and Karen fed me steak. I felt a bit embarrassed but nonetheless, I always ate it all. They would sit me at the head table and treat me like a king.

The more I gave to the Centre in terms of money and my time, the larger my business was growing.

I would need dozens of articles to share all the miracle stories and wisdom that I received during those first few years. However, the real learning, wisdom and miracle was yet to come.

One day while the Rav and Karen were visiting Toronto, the Rav asked me if I wanted to have it all. After all those miracles, steak dinners and attention that I was receiving, how could I possibly say no!

Of course I wanted it all!


I moved my wife and four kids to Los Angeles and moved into a 10,000 square foot house on Mulholland Drive. I found my Egypt. I thought this was the beginning of a whole new era of wealth and wisdom.

In short order I lost my business, lost the house and lost my connection to the Rav and Karen.

I was broke.

It was all gone.

I was freaked out. I was ready to quit because I believed that it was all about money and now that I had no money, now that I had no contribution to make, the Rav had stopped talking to me.

Little did I know that the Rav took my wife aside and told her that I was going to go through a difficult period and that she should never worry about putting food on the table. The Rav said he wasn’t sure if I would make it through these tests, that it was up to me, but that my wife should know the Rav and Karen would always be there for her and my kids.

She had no idea of the depth of that conversation with the Rav but then we did lose everything and we were broke beyond broke, living off credit cards that magically kept showing up at our house, but still putting us deeper into debt. This went on for years. And years. Along with 9 root canals. Pneumonia. Bell’s Palsy, Shingles, court cases, lawsuits, and other experiences that broke me and drove me to my knees.


Anyway, one day in the middle of all this madness, I was sitting alone contemplating how I would move my wife and kids back to Toronto and rebuild my life and break out of this nightmare.

The Rav suddenly called me.

I was shocked.

I hadn’t spoken to the Rav in a long, long time.

The Rav said, “If you move back to Toronto now, all your money will come back. Make no mistake.”

That was the conversation. And the Rav hung up.

It is extremely difficult for me to articulate and write what I was feeling and what I had understood in that one epic moment, but I will try: I knew, with 100% certainty that I could now blame the Centre, blame the path and blame the Rav for all that had gone wrong in my life. I knew I could point out everything that was genuinely wrong with the Centre and move back home and rebuild my business. I knew my old life, with all of its success and indulgences would return and I wouldn’t have to be afraid of anything!

I knew it.

I knew it with stunning clarity.

I knew it in every cell of my body.

And right then and there, I experienced the power of the Opponent and the power of doubt. I had doubt in the Centre but I had total certainty in going back to “Egypt.” I knew right there and then that Egypt was a code word for the ego of the Jew.

My ego.

In that moment, I could not deny the miracles and that love I had felt from the Centre, from the Rav and Karen during those first few years. And what was actually happening now was a different kind of love. A love I had never known.

It was tough love.

Was I ready to receive genuine tough love that would fill my true being? Or did I just want to receive pleasure and attention for my ego?

Having it all didn’t mean a mansion. It meant having my wife and kids in a real, soulful, authentic relationship, with me caring and sharing with my family, instead of me focusing on feeding and nourishing my own ego.

My wife did not want the mansion. She wanted a husband who had the courage and guts and manliness to tame his ugly temper and curb his dark, nasty Scorpio tongue.

My kids did not want a Dad who was rich and famous so that they could beam with pride. They wanted a father who got down on the floor and played with them when they wanted to play—not when Daddy had the time to play.

Thank God, I realized that truth in that one moment after the Rav called me. Thank God I remembered the miracles that the Rav showed me.

Thank God I remembered the miracles that Karen had showed me.

Thank God I remembered the love and friendship that Yehuda and Michael had showed me.

Thank God I realized it’s not how smart you are, how much intellectual Kabbalah facts you have, or how much secret numerology you have…Kabbalah is about how much pain your ego can endure for the sole purpose of transformation. That’s it.

This gave me the strength to persist. This gave me the power to experience authentic love when someone cares for your true self, your inner being and soul, and not your surface level ego and extroverted personality.

Bottom line: My life turned around as I turned around. As I accepted the pain on my ego, and as I began to slowly change, everything around me began to change in stunning, extraordinary and yet simple ways. The greatest secrets of Kabbalistic wisdom were given to me by the Rav and Karen at each new level of change that I underwent. And as I continued to wake up I continued to receive priceless treasures in my life.

And the relationship I have with the Rav and Karen cannot be put into words.

This was and continues to be my only motivation for accepting pain on my ego.

It hurts like hell—often worse than death—when it’s happening. But it pays off handsomely in ways that words cannot convey.

Otherwise, why would anyone want to have their ego beaten up?  You’d have to be crazy. Insane. I do it, I stay on this Kabbalah Centre path connected to the family, because it’s a shrewd and wondrously greedy act that reaps you the Light of the Creator and blessings beyond compare.

As I said, I would need countless articles to share all the new miracles and wisdom I received, but hopefully, the wisdom on this blog that comes from the Rav and Karen gives everyone a glimpse into what is available for all of us who are willing to walk the path… to the end.

No matter what.


Embrace your problems. That’s the fastest way to rid yourself of them. But you cannot solve your problems intellectually. You need to address them spiritually and physically. By purifying. Cleansing. Transforming. Which means changing your nature and removing the egocentric traits that caused all of this nasty chaos to come into your life in the first place. How will you find those traits? When those rays of Light shine through the blinds, they will illuminate all your traits that need to be transformed. The key to cleansing and purifying is to just persist. Period. Not giving up is how we pay back our debt. The Light that keeps coming is cleaning us. Cleaning our past and planting seeds for the future.

Don’t worry if the chaos feels totally random at first and you cannot connect the dots. Your courage and determination and your overcoming of the fear and uncertainty that is tempting you to pack it in, all of that cleanses and transforms you in ways you cannot imagine.

Persisting is a powerful cleansing agent. Giving charity, volunteering, learning more, using the tools and fighting onward when every bone in your body is screaming “run!” that is how you separate the men from the boys and the girls from the women.

Be a man. Be a woman.

Embrace the rays of Light revealing the dust and garbage in your life.

Then watch the effect that these magnificent rays of Light have on your life after the mess has been cleaned up.

That Light will become your source for miracles and blessings beyond compare.


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Billy Phillips

Billy Phillips has been a student of Kabbalist Rav Berg and Karen Berg since 1989. He has been instrumental in helping to make Kabbalah accessible for the masses working on both private and public projects under the guidance of Kabbalist Rav Berg. He has lectured on a variety of topics, most notably the profound connection between Kabbalah, Christianity, Islam and the world of Science.

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14 Responses

  1. Tziporah says:

    Wow…exactly what I needed to hear at this exact moment. Thanks for sharing, Billie!!!

  2. Juan José says:

    Gracias Billy. Llevo tiempo en que todo al mi alrededor se desmorona y parece como si estuviera cada día peor. En verdad hoy fueron palabras de gran iluminación para mi. Gracias, Gracias, Gracias

  3. Vivian Sterling says:


  4. Miriam Kramer says:

    Amazing! No words!! How did you know to put that out there at this time ? ❤

  5. Don (Yehuda) Nay says:

    Your story struck my heart deeply. Thank you. I will persist I will make it. Yehuda once told me never worry about the fall the center is here to catch you. This is where the love is.

  6. Rajel Alonso says:

    Thnks Billy, i supose we all have our own Toronto or LA in so may paths, in so many ways. But you already gave me the key to mine “embrace your problems”. This is exactly what i need to read or hear in this pretty moment. The real problems for me are inside home, with my nearest family, brothers, sister and daughter. It won’t be easy to “embrace the problem” not at all!!!
    But i won’t delay what i need to do years ago… Thnks a lot Billy and blessings to you and your family, by the way i don’t have a nasty tongue, but what is for sure in my scorpio energy is that i have a tongue which always looking problems describing exactly what is see, not what the others believe to see.

  7. Gayla says:

    Your commentaries are riveting and come at the most needy times! Thank you for being incredibly transparent!

  8. Martha says:

    Just when I think I live my life by “practicing” the wisdom but still feeling that I haven t half fullfilled either my karma or mission in this lifetime, this comes my way. Thank you Billy for continuing sharing what you have learnt and apeking to us in layman terms so we can get it.

  9. Devorah says:

    Thank you

  10. Kara says:

    to the end, no matter what… Amen

  11. Annabell says:

    Thank you so much as this piece is very inspirational specially when we are trying to figure out our chaos problems and attempted solutions, while trying to maintain certainty. You have just given me courage to keep fighting and continue my faith in the light that these challenges are all here for a grand plan. Thank you Billy I will continue my fight and perseverance. And thank you to the Rav and Karen who keeps us looking within.

  12. Keren says:

    God bless you! THANK YOU!

  13. Peter Soby says:

    Thank you for sharing your story, Billy. It’s really inspiring and it really means a lot hearing this.

  14. Ruth Diana Jacobson says:

    Hi Billy. This week before my birthday, I am getting some intimate, personal messages. It is amazing to me that I am empowered to get your messages, like the one above, and all those you post, that help me see things clearer and how life really works. Some things are a mess, thank God, Rav, Karen, and all the messengers, for showing me why. I feel happiest when it soaks in. Thanks, Billy, and blessings to you and yours.

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