Here it is in a nutshell: You first come to Kabbalah and, if you’re like most people, you fall head over heals in love with the wisdom. Wow, you say. This makes so much sense. It’s like I knew all of these truths my entire life but I could not crystalize these thoughts into practical wisdom until now. Kabbalah is telling me everything I sort of already knew subconsciously, deep in my soul.

And the energy during your initial encounter with Kabbalah is amazing. Incredible. You soak up the knowledge. Can’t get enough of the classes. You have seven million questions swirling in your mind that you want to ask your teacher. Somehow, your teacher has an answer for every single question you throw at him or her, and all the answers resonate with truth. Deep inside of you.

Then comes the problem. A big problem.

What’s the problem? Kabbalah is all about generating Light. So the problem is, as soon as we generate some serious rays of Light in our life — something a lot stronger and brighter than the fairy dust bits of Light that originally made us giddy and left us spellbound — all of a sudden there are problems. Real problems. There is chaos. And lots of brand new challenges. And doubts. And disappointment. For some, there are money problems. Or health problems. Or friendship or marital problems. And certainty problems. There are time problems when it comes to taking more classes or volunteering. Commitment problems. Kabbalah Centre problems. On and on and on.

Why? What the hell happened to that mind bending learning and pleasure we felt at the very beginning?

What happened is the power of the Light.

You see, we are all in this physical dimension to clean up the mess we’ve made. Not just the mess from this life, but also past lives. However, keep in mind, lots of us like to blame “past life” actions for the problems that plague us today. Truth is, the Rav told me, in most cases, like probably 90%, we have done enough rotten things in THIS life to warrant all the chaos now in our face. Sometimes it’s a bit too easy to blame previous incarnation for our issues. We often do this because we are really just denying our present day rotten character traits by laying blame on some esoteric, abstract concept like past lives.

In any event, be it this life or past, when we generate some significant rays of Light in our life, using the tools of Kabbalah, suddenly our garbage begins to shine. Right in our face. Under a harsh light.


That’s the nature of light. It makes all things that were previously hidden suddenly shine brightly. Ouch!

Have you ever sat in a room where the air looked clean and clear? And then sunlight shines through the slits in the blinds and suddenly you see about a trillion dust particles dancing in the sunbeams?

That’s what happens in Kabbalah. Those sunbeams of spiritual Light illuminate all the dust particles (egocentric traits and karmic debts) in our life. That is why the problems are suddenly in our face. It’s up to us to deal with them. To clean it up. To tidy up our mess and clean up our room. The ego (the force called Satan) will now awaken doubt, uncertainty, anger, frustration, everything he possibly can to prevent you from cleaning up the space that is your life.

If you quit, the Light withdraws, and the illusion of a clean, clear existence pops back up into existence. Now you are free to go on feeding your ego and living a life of illusion until eventually the chaos takes you down for the count ten years, fifteen years or fifty years later.

However, if you resist the ego’s temptation to quit and be a victim of circumstance, and you become accountable by using the 72 Names, the Torah, the Zohar, theholidays and every other tool to clean yourself up, soon those dust particles in the rays of Light disappear. You will have shown great courage by cleaning everything up and by riding out the storm and working on your self.

Guess what?

Now that VERY SAME LIGHT begins to warm you, nourish you, bathe you in a warm, loving glow that ignites deep contentment and fulfillment inside of you. And around you. And in your family. And your business. With your friends. And all over your existence.

You now know the real problem of Kabbalah. It forces you to confront and deal with your problems in order to get you to a solution, sooner than later. Sooner is better because then the Light that radiates from the 99% reality is free to bring you joy and happiness instead of a harsh and penetrating view of the dust particles caused by your ego.

So embrace your problems. That’s the fastest way to rid yourself of them. But you cannot solve your problems intellectually. You need to address them spiritually and physically. By purifying. Cleansing. Transforming. Which means changing your nature and removing the egocentric traits that caused all of this nasty chaos to come into your life in the first place. How will you find those traits? When those rays of Light shine through the blinds, they will illuminate all your traits that need to be transformed.

Don’t worry if the chaos feels totally random at first and you cannot connect the dots. Your courage and determination and your overcoming of the fear and uncertainty that is tempting you to pack it in, all of that cleanses and transforms you in ways you cannot imagine.

Persisting is a powerful cleansing agent. Giving charity, volunteering, learning more, using the tools and fighting onward when every bone in your body is screaming “run!” that is how you separate the men from the boys and the girls from the women.

Be a man. Be a woman.

Embrace the rays of Light revealing the dust and garbage in your life. This is the perfect month for it.

Then watch the effect that these magnificent rays of Light have on your life after the mess has been cleaned up.

That Light will become your source for miracles and blessings beyond compare.


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Billy Phillips

Billy Phillips has been a student of Kabbalist Rav Berg and Karen Berg since 1989. He has been instrumental in helping to make Kabbalah accessible for the masses working on both private and public projects under the guidance of Kabbalist Rav Berg. He has lectured on a variety of topics, most notably the profound connection between Kabbalah, Christianity, Islam and the world of Science.

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24 Responses

  1. josephyoga says:

    what circle journey to the top…..spiraling around and around…..thanks for this valuable insight from a higher perspective

  2. john simoncini says:

    Billy keep up the amazing work! 6years in and needed that friendly reminder. I really enjoy your work.

  3. Maye says:

    Just last night I said to myself “Why do I have to pay for what I did in a past life” and then I thought about how it becomes an excuse every time I don’t understand where the chaos comes from. Thanks for this wonderful article.

  4. David says:

    I think this is so true – so real – as I seem to be going through exactly what you describe. Thanks again, Billy.

  5. Johana says:

    Sounds so right. I am looking around the kitchen…the worst chaos. I so much feel like calling cleaning services 911! But instead I know, dig in start somewhere and slowly but surely the kitchen will start to sparkle again…can you tell, I can’t face it:-)

  6. Hanah Ada says:

    Awesome insight. So true. Well written.

  7. Federico S. Luna says:

    Yes Billy that is true. I´m going through this situatión and you can think that the things are worst(Satan),specially when I wake up early in the morning.
    Thank you for your communication.

  8. mobolaji olusegun willie-desanya says:

    OVERCOMING THE FEAR is the keyword.
    I appreciate this very much

    Thank you Billy.

  9. Eyal says:

    Thank you for this insightful article. As a new student, I can totally relate to what you describe here. I have experienced it myself.
    Initially, I felt like I was making tremendous progress, but after Kabbalah 3, I felt there was something blocking my progress. It took me months to break through that, It took some work, but even if it took 10 times the amount of work it did, it would have been well worth it!
    Thank you for sharing the above. It really shed some light on the process I am going through.

  10. Great article to read just when I was getting discouraged.

  11. Olly says:

    Great words giving so much power! I was absolutely “high” from studying Kabbalah, now i have problems and chaos but the absolutely certainty of going on.. So true, the more light we switch on,the more we see,the more we have to do.. Great reminding! Thank you..

  12. Adam Hadrys says:

    I feel like becoming more and more homeless. But I know I might become lucky in everz which way.

  13. Lennie Gutierrez says:

    Thank you for this, Billy. This is what has been happening to me (unexpected chaos), and now I understand why. I have used your points in starting a conversation with my teacher on how I can clean up my garbage.

  14. carl says:

    Sorry guys the same can be said for any wannabe system.
    Ignore the errors and problems totally buy this magic white shirt, belief it enough and it will come true.

    Here’s a thought:
    Some of what was said is very true.
    Allowing oneself to have order and allow (not force) personal development towards an honourable far reaching will create focus and thus force in your life, force and focus develop form in this world. The K. is one of many maps to the elements of those forms.

    However doing charity and having lots of faith etc still won’t be a magic pill.

    There is no “magic pill”.
    There is magic. And there is you.

    Let the Light in and what it illuminates is the bits that stick out.
    That which attunes to the Light either starts emitting light itself and/or becomes transparent. The more it comes in, the harsher are the parts it illuminates, It literally illuminates the hardest parts that are visible to change. At that point you can choose to ignore them, use fantasy belief and deny them or cover them up in what appears to be acceptable Emporers Clothes that look like light (Eg charity), or can actually uptake the change. The problem with the latter is it always reveals more to be done.

    You don’t bring or deserve the “chaos”. This isn’t a “karma debt” to be worked off like bashing rocks in some penal colony.

    This is dharma “debt”. It’s about walking a thin branch while carrying too much crap. It’s about knowing the rules of carrying and thin branches and the value of crap.
    “Charity” helps in the short term, and helps move our focus from our own problems on to others, and gives the meat-mind a reason to allow itself to “feel it deserves good”. But at the big end of the day, the face the abyss days, charity always begets resentment, it is not a permanent solution and the light will eventually work its way through to there as well. Because at the end of the day, feeling entitlement from charity or relief or worth from it is “crap” and dharma rules says you can’t carry crap without it weighing you down.

    • There are no errors or problems Carl. You missed the point of the article. It only manifests as an error if you quit. And guess what — you will be right about the system not working for you because you quit. But when we resist that urge, when we resist the ego, the know it all attitude and the skepticism, and keep on battling internally, then you do get the miracles. If you didn’t, Kabbalah would be a waste of time. The Zohar absolutely guarantees miracles, true, authentic, bona fide miracles if you follow through. Miracles are true reality. Broken systems, errors, problems, that is the illusion. Remember, consciousness creates reality. Period. So if you want to believe i am wrong, you will create a reality, for you alone, where i am wrong. That is the blessing and challenge that comes with consciousness. If you can elevate your consciousness (by dumping ego, layer by layer) to beyond all doubt and skepticism, then you’re consciousness will create a miraculous reality. The only reason we have not done that yet is because ego is still firmly attached to our consciousness. As a wise man once said, you have to believe in God, in order to be willing to serve God. But you don’t have to believe in the devil (ego consciousness) in order to serve the devil. In fact, if you did believe in this negative force you would never serve him. So disbelief in the force called Satan (ego) is his only protection and thus, its his most powerful weapon. And this is why miracles are not an every day occurrence. Instead, rationalization, corruption, and justification for all our chaos has become our reality.

  15. Tobi says:

    The Problem comes in when your teacher moves and basically dumps you into the hands of a teacher and the teacher is not for you. This teacher will not listen to you. This teacher does not return phone calls or respond to emails, twists everything you say around, gives confident wrong answers to questions. This teacher is having issues with more than 4 students and no one in the KCI will listen or assist you in changing that teacher they want to you still work with this same teacher and you just cannot. And the KCI will not allow you to have another teacher. That to me is religious. SO we are forced to see the light on our own because and learn until new teacher come around again because NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR it. then what do you do????

    • Great question. I went through it myself some 21 year ago. I even had a nightmare about the situation when my teacher moved, because i was so close to him. I even flew to New York to tell the Rav if they move my teacher i will know longer come. I had been in the Centre for about two years at that point. In love with it. But i did not want my teacher to be moved. The Rav moved my teacher lickety split. My new teacher drove me crazy. I couldn’t stand him. I called the Rav every day complaining. We had meetings and arguments with the teacher and me and the Rav. Finally, i let go. I started living the teachings instead of preaching the teachings to others. It was a process. The process was not about having a great warm relationship with my favorite teacher. The process was about ME letting go and putting aside what i thought was good for me, and trusting that the Light—not the Centre—was in control and this is what i needed at the time. It was a test. I nearly flunked that test. But i hung in. Because i could not deny the miracles i had already seen. I could not deny the power and mind-blowing insights of this wisdom. So i knew that I had to be the problem — not the Centre or the wisdom. Either the Light controls everything, or the Light doesn’t. You cannot pick and choose. Anyway, when i finally let go, everything changed. Beyond words. More miracles. More changes. More obstacle which then led to more miracles. I saw the pattern. If you keep going, beyond the breaking point and quitting point, there are miracles and answers and new changes and insights ready to come into your life. That was the pattern!! That was when i began to learn the Satan REALLY is doubt. And that if you want to grow and elevate your consciousness, you must climb out of that box where you know everything (here’s the trick part) especially when you are RIGHT about a specific situation. You might be right on the 1% level. But the LIght that wants to come into your life is on the 99%. And the way we connect to the 99% is NOT by being right. It’s by changing our nature, letting go and diminishing ego. We are playing the wrong game when we try figure things out on the 1% and try to be right. The only thing we need to do is look for opportunities that allow us to diminish our ego, and let go of our PREVIOUS HELD BRILLIANT OPINIONS. Because that is how you connect to even HIGHER TRUTHS and wisdom. Guess what? That teacher who i could not stand, eventually left the Centre, bad mouthed and slandered the Centre and he is now a nothing. How powerful. I was even right about him 21 years ago yet, the LIGHT wanted me to be in his presence and under his influence for a 2-3 years. Why? It was my test. My learning. My opportunity to let go, pay back karmic debt, and pass the tests. Do i connect only to my teacher? Or do i connect to the LIght? Do i connect to a teacher? Or do i connect to the Rav and Karen? And then, even greater….Do i connect to the Rav and Karen? Or do i connect to the Kabbalah Centre path and lineage (of which the Rav and Karen embody)? If you want to be truly close to Rav Berg, you connect to the Centre…not to the Rav. If you want to only connect to the Rav, and you don’t get attention then you might quit. When the Rav stepped back a few years ago, many people quit cause they were connecting to the Rav and not to the Centre. For the Rav, the Centre IS the path to the LIght, to the Rav, to Rav Brandwein, Rav Ashlag and the entire lineage of Kabbalists leading back to Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai. That is not a just a nice map of history. It’s the absolute, most important and most least appreciative truth about Kabbalah. If you are one with the Centre, you are part of the soul of Rav and Karen on the 99% and all the Kabbalists of history. This is what I learned and, most important, what i experienced over the last 23+ years. And my words only express less than 1% of what i am trying to share because you need to find this truth on your own.

  16. Carol Urtiaga Leahy says:

    Amazing. That’s it in a nutshell! Thank you Billy. So many Chevre are living, have lived, fell down and maybe now can get back up, this very story you decribe! You paint a picture we can step back and objectively watch from a distance, and say, “hey, that’s me!” Bless your heart Billy. You always come through. Much Love, Carol

  17. Elaine says:

    do you have a version in spanish?

  18. Luisa says:

    Billy , i agree 100% ..but i have one question
    To see the dust and change it we have to have aware consciouness All the time and do the tolls : Zohar , hollidays, 72 names and só on … There is the Only way ? To bring miracles …? I was right know asking for a miracle as i am sacaning Zohar . I need a miracle or, two … Of course i sãw the dust but i don’t know how to overcome this !!!

    • Seeing and admitting your inner garbage and negativity is 90% of the work. You create miracles by changing your nature. the bigger the change of nature, the bigger the miracle of mother nature.

  19. Miriam says:

    Best post ever Billy! Thank you! I pray that when the tests come (and they will come) I’ll remember this.

  20. Alberto says:

    i cant believe it, just what i need and wanted read. thank you very much!!!!! =)!!AMAZING.

  21. Javier says:

    Emet. Thank You for sharing this. This is how the powerful inner experience of transformation at the Center feels like. Great fuel of consciouness. Gracias.

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